TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME, BUT ONE MUST FALL

Friends with Benefits#FWB# is a term used for sex only relationships with a friend but do friends with benefits relationships work?


It’s easy to think or say, it’s just a bit of fun and nobody will get hurt, but the reality of these arrangements is more often than not a broken friendship and emotional pain for one participant. The worst reason to get into a friends with benefits relationship is fooling yourself that it can start out this way and will develop into a full blown romantic loving relationship … the odds are it won’t and you will just get hurt and used.


If you are tempted to get into a friends with benefits relationship perhaps in order to keep loneliness at bay for a short time or until Mr/Miss Right comes along then you may wish to consider these points before agreeing to be a friend with benefits.



Men and Woman ARE Different


Usually in friends with benefits relationships men are after the benefits and women are after the friendship, sorry men but that’s the honest truth#askies#. Firstly we have to understand the difference between love and lust and decide what we are really looking for. A night in with a friend, a pizza, weepy video and sofa hug will generally make a woman feel satisfied emotionally and it’s a small price for a man to pay to get the “benefits”


Would you agree to do this with just any friend?


I would think the answer is NO, so before agreeing to such an arrangement take a long hard look at a good friend of the opposite sex#or same sex if that is your thing# that you would definitely NOT agree to be a friend with benefits with. Why are they any different? You just need some sexual satisfaction with someone you trust but without emotional involvement right? In order to agree to sleep with someone there has to be some attraction involved and attraction is an emotion .. so how do you now stick to the rules of friends with benefits and not get emotionally involved? Think about it, its impossible guys


What Are the Benefits For You?


Given the above #you may not even be aware of any feelings you have for your friend but to even consider this arrangement you should accept those feelings must be there# what will happen to the friendship when those feelings begin to emerge for one of you? Can your friendship survive the hurt feelings of rejection or the jealousy when you see your friend with someone else. Of course you can deny, deny, deny your emotions but when you are back in your bed alone at night crying what benefit will you have gained from this arrangement? Before considering this arrangement ask yourself this..

•is it for you?

1. Ask yourself if no-strings sex is really what you want. Or is it just that nothing more seems on offer? If so, you deserve better – hold out for it.

2. Even if you fear commitment, do you want to lose a friend? Sex complicates a friendship and few FWBs stay friends once the sex stops.

3. If you want sex but no commitment and are nearer 30 than 20, you may end up lonely later. Think about counseling, to work out why you fear love.


Not Interesting Enough to Date


If someone you just met said “you don’t interest me enough to date but do you fancy a roll in the hay just to relieve my tensions” how would you react? #Well I know that I would beat the daylight out of him yerrrrrrr# In effect the friend that suggests a “friends with benefits” relationship is saying exactly the same thing, all they are looking for is sexual gratification without any strings or emotional attachment. Are you really willing to sell yourself so short?


You Deserve Better


I know it is really easy to say “you deserve better so wait for the right guy or girl” but that is no comfort when you are feeling lonely and looking for love. Loneliness is all consuming at times  and causes us to hurt emotionally but we also know it comes and goes. Look, you can be miserable or motivate yourself it really is a choice we make and I personally don't think that you have to resort to friends with benefits all in the name of loneliness hai maan YOU DESERVE BETTER!!


This is what I think, sex with no commitment, no feelings no one to answer to might look good on paper but humans don’t operate like that. Inevitably, an attachment occurs, a bond occurs, and feelings develop. Even though people swear off it, somebody develops some kind of feelings. The only scenario where I see it work is when you're very young and just kind of messing around, or in two sex addicts acting out together. But, just like every other addiction, it eventually goes down in flames. So it only works for a while.


The other thing is “friends with benefits” is the flip side of repeated failed relationships. It’s the exact same phenomenon. So don’t think that you’re outsmarting relationships by doing that, you’re going down the same path, just the other side of the coin.


#Thought of the week# Know your worth!!

NETWORKING DILEMMA

Here is something we can all identify with. Facebook and its affect on the relationship. I can guarantee that 80 percent of all of Facebook’s 500 million users have had a Facebook related spat during a relationship. So if you’re having trouble with your lover on Facebook, you’re not alone.

While the network does offer opportunities for meaningful social interactions and self-esteem boosts, it also opens options for spying, stalking and other insecurity and jealousy driven actions between lovers.

From new relationship announcements to breakups to digital(photos) PDA#I'm so not a fan of#, can have an impact on how others#including your partner# see you.


As a user of Facebook, I have to admit to being surprised at how much the site affects people’s relationships. If someone changes their status from single to in a relationship and their significant other doesn’t reciprocate yhuuuuuuuu JEHOVAH people get upset. If you just became an official couple, who is the one that will change their status first? Or let’s say you just broke up but then you got back together. Then who should change their status first? Yhuuuuuu hai 'Its complicated' as one of the relationship status options would say, unnecessary stress if you ask me.


I read an article about how US lawyers say that Facebook is a top cause of relationship trouble which can even lead to divorce like seriously people DIVORCE. The article goes on about how one spouse would connect with an old school friend then they would secretly communicate causing the other partner to be jealous pushing his/her spouse towards this old friend which would eventually lead to an affair, it further goes on to say that facebook does not only lead to divorce but other legal battles too like child custody, parents would deny using illicit drugs but boast of smoking marijuana on their Facebook pages. #HECTIC#

Moving along to other Facebook problems..

• We have the “hot girl” Facebook friends list.

He’s got a lot of hot girls as friends and you’re a tiny bit jealous. What do you do?

Well I say nothing, especially if they were friends with him before you both started dating. The best thing you can do is not to look at his friends list EVER It’ll save you time and energy researching all of those girls. If they leave more than one flirtatious comment (and I mean something that’s borderline offensive) then you should talk about it.

•He is friends with an ex

What should you do?

Eish not a good situation ne but it can be okay. I’m friends with my exes on Facebook and there is nothing to it hey so really that shouldn't even be of concern to you don't even waste your energy thinking about it.

•He never writes on your Facebook wall or comments on the posts you send him, but you see him on Facebook all of the time communicating with his other Facebook buddies.

Honestly I think that it is totally immature to let something so simple evolve into a spat. WENA WHY ULANDELELA?!? #Lol just joking# Mara ke, when it does come up I suggest you talk to your partner in a polite way and DON'T and I repeat DON'T start accusing him/her of anything just express how the situation affects you and hopefully you will come up with a solution


Listen, I personally don’t think a social site is worth your relationship and if it fails because of it your relationship wasn’t strong in the first place. I know plenty of people who’ve had relationships end because of Facebook.  Sometimes it’s unfortunate because you get those conniving women who have nothing else better to do but break up your relationship.#believe me I know because this has happened to me#

So my suggestion to you is to not be friends with your boo if you are the type of person to feed in to negativity. Haters are everywhere and a lot of them reside on FB. The purpose of a social network is to be sociable to have the chance to communicate with people you don’t see on the regular.  Hopefully you see your boo on the regular and if you do answer this...

What’s the point of being his friend on a social network?

He's already your friend in real life and you know more about his whereabouts than his friends on FB or whatever site. You have his number and address for God’s sake you don’t need to be in every single part of his life. If you have trust issues please think about it before you become friends with your lover but then again why are you with your partner if you don't trust them?!? One thing to think about...

#Thought of the week# Learn to trust your partner so that you can have a healthy and stress free relationship

MY VIEW ON COLOUR BLOCKING

The streets of Mzantsi are full of colour from Katlehong to Springs to Soweto to Gugulethu to Camps Bay and even Mafikeng to name a few and it is all because of colour blocking nje. But honestly some people tend to take it a bit too far.

Naturally, we quickly jump at trends, rock them and in the end, over-step the boundaries. Recently, I have seen the worst versions of colour blocking JEHOVAH...I’m talking migraine-causing colour blocking. Some individuals have gone so far as to colour block their make-up and manage to put some clowns out of business. Seriously #no joke#!

So I took out the time to search out some essential colour blocking rules, apparently wearing one of the biggest fashion trends of 2011 is not as easy as it looks. So the next time you decide to cause a photosensitive epileptic seizure with your outfit, PLEASE  re-think, ask a family member to check you out and finally look at yourself in the MIRROR!!! #Don't colour blind us please# Here are more tips..

Get your combos right

To flawlessly accomplish this trend choose the right colour combinations. Examples of colour-block colours that work well together are pink and purple, yellow and green, red and pink, cobalt-blue and red, green and blue and pink and orange.

The brighter the better

If you are bold enough for colour blocking there is no point in investing in pale colours and dull shades (no matter how much they clash). That would just look faint hearted. Go bright or go home!

Invest in a pair of coloured jeans

A bright pair of jeans is a good start for a colour blocking newbie and a staple for a colour blocking addict like myself. Something in the colours pink, red or blue will do it for you and please my thick ladies there are no rules here you can wear any colour jean yes even white as long as you pair it with a loose fitted top/shirt. You know the rule, we can't be looking like some stuffed sausages..for every tight top the bottom has to be loose and vice versa.

Mix up your fabric

To avoid looking like you are off to a rave or circus, choose rich fabric such as silk, satin and cotton in bright colours. They will add a splash of luxury to your look and give the bright block colour an even more sumptuous feel. You'll look like a million dollars without even spending a million dollars #now you know my secret#

Do not overdo it

It’s not that more than three to four colours don’t look nice, it just looks very ramp-ish and cheap. Besides more colours will keep cutting your body shape here and there, in this way accomplishing the opposite of its intended effect. #This is especially to my thick ladies#

Colour blocking without colour clashing

If you don’t feel brave enough to clash your colours, you can still wear the colour blocking trend by wearing one vibrant shade from top to bottom for example, wear a long dress in sunshine yellow, bright red or eye-popping pink.

Tone the look down with a simple black or white tee

A black or white tee in a cotton and/or silk mix will complement bright coloured trousers or skirts beautifully.

Add pops of colours with accessories

The easiest way to wear the colour blocking trend is to add an accessory or two in deliciously-bright colours. A bright pink clutch bag, a pair of  yellow shoes,  blue bangle is all you need to lift an understated outfit up. #my favourite shoes and bag#

Mix bright colours with light ones

A simple way to tone the look down is by wearing one brightly coloured piece and keeping the rest of the outfit muted by wearing neutral shades. For example, a colour block shift dress in red or bright orange will look fantastic with nude shoes.

Wear brightly coloured stripes

If you still don’t have the balls to rock this trend all-out, you can start by investing in a dress with vivid coloured stripes. And then progress gradually till you are bold enough to do a thorough colour block.

Keep the look suitable for work

The best way to wear this trend for work is by choosing items in colours that are updated styles of usual work wear. For example, swap your navy suit with a more vivid blue. Tone the look down with a simple white shirt. #please guys don't overdo it by going to work looking like a clown, look professional guys PLEASE#

Dear friends, these simple rules are all you need to achieve the perfect colour block. Do not say you weren’t told because the next time I see you in public causing a catastrophe with your supposed colour-block outfit or your make-up, forgive me if I walk up to you with a revolting face with my hand on my chest  and say “excuse me dear, you are colour-blocking my view JEHOVAH”

#Thought of the week# Be one with your clothes, have an understanding so that you can always look fabulous!!