This topic is so close to my heart because a person I dearly care about is in this situation, it breaks my heart everyday to see this person stuck in this cycle. Toxic relationships are dangerous in a sense that the person who is in it lives on major denial.
I mean if you find your old friends falling away, while family members remark on how you don’t seem to like yourself and you feel like you are losing yourself then you might be stuck in such a relationship.
TOP 10 Excuses You Make to Stay in a Bad Relationship
These are common excuses used to justify staying in a bad relationship and why NONE of them are good reasons.
Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him than be alone.
What’s wrong with being single? I mean you had a life before you met up with this person, who says you won't when they disappear. Stop putting yourself through pain, this will only make things worse and you'll end up being depressed. Being in such a relationship is worse than being alone believe me.
Excuse #2: I’m comfortable.
Well I'm comfortable in my pjs, so does that mean I should wear them in public all day everyday? NO. Then why stay? Is change something that makes you cringe? Are you stringing a relationship along primarily because it has benefits? Money, companionship, image, physical intimacy, fun, familiar routine? Let’s face it, we have all temporarily turned to everything from shopping to food for fulfillment. Things (even relationships with benefits) can never truly satisfy!!
Excuse #3: I love him.
"But I looooove him!" THIXO if I had a rand for every time I heard those words! GEEZ!!! I love my dog! I love my sister! I love my shoes! There is a difference in loving and being “in love” and fully committed to the person you KNOW you were meant to marry…for better or worse. You have to get out of the “love” boat to walk on the water. What I mean is, you have to move away from the one you “love” and walk out into the unknown toward God patiently till He brings you your one, true love.
Excuse #4: I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me (Revenge)
That my dear might OR will NEVER happen. You will end up waiting forever because when he hurts you, you plan your revenge then he apologizes then you forget about it. An on going unhealthy cycle for yourself and people around you. Break the cycle not for anyone but yourself.
Excuse #5: We have a child together.
OK. So you’re single and pregnant, or maybe you’re single with children already. You have a great reason to abandon, not your kids, but the bad relationship that entangles you. Your kid/s deserve better!!
Excuse #6: I’m waiting until Mr. Right comes along.
Let’s get serious! If Mr. Right crosses your path, he’ll consider your low standards unattractive and immature. Your present relationship portrays evidence of the NEEDY, INSECURE person you are choosing to be. The bad relationship you’re in is a huge red flag to the confident mate you truly desire to be with. No, It’s more like a stop sign! Don’t allow a mountain of insecurity to cause Mr. Right to take a u-turn!
Excuse #7: We’re engaged, already committed.
Have you agreed to marry him, but now you’re having doubts? If there is doubt, DON’T! Use the valuable opportunity you have now for a “time-out” to reevaluate or choose to live the rest of your life with regret! Don't wait until the very last day (wedding day)
Excuse #8: I don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Has your heart left the picture, but your still hanging around because you’d like him to stay happy? Maybe you feel bad leaving him because he has spent so much time and money on you. You’re not stock maan this isn’t an investment game or something. Have you tried to walk away but he persuaded you to stay? You’re not a puppet dear, pull your hearts strings from his grip. Your people-pleasing nature, coupled with his controlling tendencies, are brewing up your worst nightmare.
Excuse #9: But we've been together for a long time
SO WHAT?? I've been eating junk all my life and not exercising, does that make it right? Does it take away the fact that its unhealthy? NO NO NO..So why should you stay in such a relationship if its unhealthy. Believe me you won't die without this person, you might feel like it but dear you'll survive.
Excuse #10: He’ll change for the better!
The worst mistake people make, if someone has to change into something they are not they are not for you. Humans are not machines which can be 'fixed' 'controlled' into something we want, a person can't be changed by anyone but themselves. So as long as the person keeps on doing what hurts you or what you don't like even after voicing your concerns then my dear you are holding on for nothing..'uhlelele iKaka qha!!!' MOVE ON!!
In such a situation you need to regain your individuality and strength but before you can do that, you’ll need to determine if the relationship is taking something away and if so, put an end to the destructive cycle.
STEPS TO TAKE
1. EVALUATE HONESTLY: Is this relationship healthy, or is it unhealthy? Be objective as you analyze how things have changed since this relationship began or since the problems began
- Are you enjoying elevated esteem from your friends & family or are they looking at you sideways? Are your family relationships suddenly filled with TENSION, every time your partner’s name comes up? While stressed relationships with others aren’t a sure sign of an unhealthy romance, red flags should go up if everyone who cares about you is getting worried or IS BEING PUSHED AWAY.
-Do you find yourself straying from your path? Are you OBSESSING about activities that require you to be alone (any time you can’t be with your love)?
-Does this person bring out your best or worst traits? Do you feed each others’ best self or have you seen your attitudes change to more closely mirror your partner’s, which puts off your family and friends?
2. RECOGNIZE YOUR BLINDNESS TO YOUR PARTNER'S FAULTS.
Sometimes our starry-eyed affection can make us willfully close our eyes to warning signals, even though we really kind of know that our friends and family have a point when they say they don’t like this or that about the significant other.
-ASK YOURSELF
• Do you find yourself apologizing or defending your significant other’s behavior? Finding reasons to excuse it? “Oh, he went through a terrible relationship before and has some issues… you can understand…” If you find yourself getting defensive when someone questions your relationship, you’re probably already aware that there is a problem and haven’t yet come to terms with it. Remember that people in healthy relationships have nothing to hide or defend. In fact, when a relationship is healthy, your friends and family are normally going to recognize that this person makes you very happy, brings out the best in you, and they will rejoice with the two of you.
3. MANIPULATION
Remember that manipulation is when your partner gets you to do something you really wish you hadn’t. This person likes getting you outside your comfort zone, because then he is pulling the strings, getting one over on you.
4. CONTROL
Look for subtle establishment of control over time. It doesn’t happen obviously, suddenly, or overnight. Controlling, manipulative people are often very insecure. That’s why they have the compulsion to control others, they simply don’t trust anyone but themselves. They will invest weeks or months in ‘training’ you to accept and carry out their will:
-Are you realizing it’s just become easier not to spend time with people you’ve loved for years, rather than to make apologies or excuses for her lateness or her rudeness?
-Have all of your past attachments to people and places been replaced by either old friends of your new love, or new friends you’ve made since you’ve been together? Severing your ties to the familiar stability of the world you have always known means he has just made himself the center of your universe, and now has no competition for your attention.
5. DISCREPANCIES
Watch out for subtle discrepancies. When talking with mutual friends, have they ever said something about your new girlfriend that made you stop and say, “Huh? But she said something different to me… You can’t have understood that right.” Did you then dismiss the idea that what your friends heard could have actually been true? That’s a big red flag. When you’re being controlled or manipulated, it’s usually through half-truths not outright lies. There’s just enough weirdness to make you stop and think, but not quite enough to get you to re-evaluate the entire relationship. If this happens more than once, STOP and remind yourself that this isn’t the first time you’ve had this reaction. Start analyzing discrepancies between what she said, and what your friends say. It may save you from disaster later.
6. KEEP YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Cutting you off from your support systems helps him gain dominance over you and you think it’s your decision. Controlling people treat your friends with disrespect but when ALONE with you, they never say a bad word about those friends, but rather is kind, loving, and complimentary to you about them it makes you believe your family or friends are simply jealous, don’t understand him, etc. You forget his nastiness to their faces because he’s nice behind their backs. When you find yourself telling your mom or sister, “But, you don’t know him like I do,” THAT'S A BAD SIGN. It’s much easier to for him control you when you’ve decided your loved ones just don’t understand your mate, and soon, you have no one but him to turn to.
7. RECOGNIZE EXCESSIVE JEALOUSY OR POSSESSIVENESS AS A DANGER SIGNAL.
If your partner is protective of you that’s sweet. If she’s bizarrely, overly protective, it’s scary. Does she question you too intensely about why you were talking to another person? Get angry about it? Disbelieve you when you say that person is just a friend or work colleague?
8. WATCH FOR REPEAT OFFENSES
Watch for repeat offenses, shallow apologies and “courting” afterwards. He does something that is totally unacceptable then asks your forgiveness tells you he realizes he was wrong, and promises to change. He seems utterly sincere and convincing but it is part of the control. It is a way to use your compassion to keep you interested at this point he may even say HE WANTS YOUR HELP TO CHANGE, particularly if you have let him know that you will not tolerate such things again. Watch for the bad behavior to resume as soon as he believes he has you hooked and complacent again.
9. DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP FOR BEING INTO THIS PERSON
Realize that s/he’s amazing – on the surface – and you shouldn’t beat yourself up for being attracted to that. These people are often an odd mix of very high intellect or talent, coupled with low self-esteem (although they often seem confident to the point of arrogance a mask for their internal lack of true confidence).
10. ASSESS WHETHER THE RELATIONSHIP IS WORTH SAVING.
All of the above are warning signs that you are involved with a controlling person who’s likely to be manipulating you. Does that mean the relationship should end? Not always. Try talking about it with your partner, show him or her this post maybe, or get into couples therapy. If you recognize any or all of these signs, there’s a chance that now that you can identify and articulate your problems, you may be able to work through them. Be objective, though if talking, working it through, or going to counseling HAS FAILED to get your partner to stop these behaviors, there may be no choice but to part ways, even if you still love him or her.
11. ACCEPT THE END AND GET OUT AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
Assuming your partner has resisted changing his or her behavior and despite your best efforts to work things out so that you are not being controlled so much, s/he persists in the controlling, manipulative behaviors, you will have to accept reality. Once you’ve recognized this EMOTIONAL ABUSE for what it is, you will likely tire of it quickly and want to leave, despite your lingering feelings for this person. Be careful. Controlling, manipulative individuals will want to control you, even if they don’t care about the relationship any more. The old saying “S/he doesn’t want me, but doesn’t want me to be with anyone else, either,” was invented for this type of person. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and can maintain a healthy relationship. This just isn’t it. Take steps to end it swiftly and leave..NOW!
TIPS
-Don’t blow off the opinions of your friends and family; they do have your best interests in mind. One person can be ignored – many cannot. Do they tell you you’re acting strange lately? Do they comment on how different you seem – and not in a good way? Has anyone you love and respect expressed actual dislike for your partner? And if more than one close family member or friend is expressing dislike of the new guy/gal, give more weight to the negative opinions.
-Don’t be mean about it. You don’t have to be like him/her to get away. Just say it’s not a match and you don’t intend to continue the relationship. Period. Don’t try pointing out all of the above warning signs. This type of person won’t recognize him or herself. It’s like trying to teach a dog to sing, it wastes your time and makes the dog bitter.
WARNINGS
* Severely controlling and manipulative people are often produced by external factors such as abusive parents or clinical mental disorders. You cannot hope to change or rescue such a person, as much as you may care for them. The best help you can give them is to
•refuse to be their victim and,
• direct them to professional help.
* The likelihood of stalking and violent behaviors developing in this type of person is higher than in others, both for you and any supporters you might have. If you feel you’re being stalked, notify authorities and take steps to make yourself safe (travel with others, stay with friends or family, avoid places you frequented together, get a restraining order).
* If s/he shows up at your door after you’ve broken it off, don’t open it if you’re home alone. Make sure someone else is with you if you do decide to talk to him or her (not recommended), but even though you want to be compassionate, the best and easiest approach is to simply cut off contact with him/her and his/her family members
* Compassion is not easily understood or accepted by these folks, and it just hurts you both more in the end as it is likely to be used as a weapon against you. Cutting them off may seem cruel but it ends the confrontations and forces them to move on or get help.
* Watch for stalking behaviors or threats, including threats to harm you or your supporters or to COMMIT SUICIDE. If necessary, get a restraining order and call the cops each and every time they start they sh*t.
Getting out is possible and the healing process will be hard but you will get through it. Go out with your friends, your family, and alone. Re-establish ties with all those things and people you left behind while your judgment was clouded. GET YOUR LIFE BACK!!
#Thought of the week# love yourself enough to walk away from anything that causes you pain!!
Sunday, 8 September 2013
Sunday, 20 January 2013
2013..NEW YEAR, so let it be YOURS!!
Damn it has been a while since I've done this, Its 2013 lovies happy new year lol lol.. ja ja I know I'm a bit late for the whole 'happy new year thing' nevertheless, a new year is a new year. Might as well take advantage of it, right?
Every year we are each gifted with a finite period of time which we can never recover. The song from Rent I think and Tuks here in SA helps keep it in your head, '525,600 minutes'... THAT’S IT there's no extra time, no rewind no pause nothing!! Once these minutes are gone, there’s no reclaiming them.
The initial challenge is to fill these minutes with as many good things as possible, please oh please have FUN and try to avoid stress, pursue meaningful relationships and work you enjoy.
If you can meet this challenge, I promise you my lovies you’ll live well and be happy, which is probably a lot more than you can say about many people.
Now the deeper challenge is to connect many of these minutes with an overall life purpose, yes guys an overall life purpose. What’s the meaning of life? Why are you really here? Yes I know I know that's a bit too deep but here's the thing, if you can meet the deeper challenge you’ll live well, be happy and also change the world...most likely making yourself happier as well.#wink#
I'm sure by now you're asking yourself, how do i do that? Well lovies the journey begins first by looking within yourself and then by making ACTIVE decisions. Don't say you want to get a job then sit around hoping and praying the job comes to you, be active put together a CV, go out there and look for a job. I mean Mandoza even said it..izoyithola kanjani uhleli ekhoneni?!?
Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and mostly thinking ahead, and I know many of you have been doing the same.
If you haven’t done the thinking yet, well you know what they say..better late than never, so get on it! Take some time and reflect on what you’d like to achieve and who you’d like to become this year.
If you’ve done the thinking, great... Now it’s time to implement.
Ready?!?...now GO!!
#Thought of the week# make 2013 a year in the life of a better YOU!!
Every year we are each gifted with a finite period of time which we can never recover. The song from Rent I think and Tuks here in SA helps keep it in your head, '525,600 minutes'... THAT’S IT there's no extra time, no rewind no pause nothing!! Once these minutes are gone, there’s no reclaiming them.
The initial challenge is to fill these minutes with as many good things as possible, please oh please have FUN and try to avoid stress, pursue meaningful relationships and work you enjoy.
If you can meet this challenge, I promise you my lovies you’ll live well and be happy, which is probably a lot more than you can say about many people.
Now the deeper challenge is to connect many of these minutes with an overall life purpose, yes guys an overall life purpose. What’s the meaning of life? Why are you really here? Yes I know I know that's a bit too deep but here's the thing, if you can meet the deeper challenge you’ll live well, be happy and also change the world...most likely making yourself happier as well.#wink#
I'm sure by now you're asking yourself, how do i do that? Well lovies the journey begins first by looking within yourself and then by making ACTIVE decisions. Don't say you want to get a job then sit around hoping and praying the job comes to you, be active put together a CV, go out there and look for a job. I mean Mandoza even said it..izoyithola kanjani uhleli ekhoneni?!?
Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and mostly thinking ahead, and I know many of you have been doing the same.
If you haven’t done the thinking yet, well you know what they say..better late than never, so get on it! Take some time and reflect on what you’d like to achieve and who you’d like to become this year.
If you’ve done the thinking, great... Now it’s time to implement.
Ready?!?...now GO!!
#Thought of the week# make 2013 a year in the life of a better YOU!!
Thursday, 30 August 2012
Spring is in the air...spread the love, not the odor
Hello hello hello everyone, damn it's been a while..THIXO Spring is here and yes we've all been waiting for it but definitely not what comes with it. By that I mean the sickening, yes guys the near death sickening body odors that come with the sweating from the heat. Some people didn't get the memo on how to stay smelling fresh.
For some of us, smelling good comes so easily that it seems outrageous for there to be instructions on it. We've all experienced standing next to someone who didn't get the memo and a waft of their unpleasant smell can make you incredibly uncomfortable #even nauseous#.
I feel so strongly about this topic because I have been abused by many, yes guys I'm a victim of such. I've had very bad experiences especially in taxis for those who have known me for years I'm sure you know about my taxi horrors, from guys who put their arms around me, to an armpit that was so bad that I could even taste it horror horror horror. Just last year the man that was sitting next to me had multiple odors coming from him. From shoes to armpits to his breath oh my goodness, and when I opened the window he asked me to close it because he had sinuses #JEHOVAH# I think in his case he didn't get the memo, the letter, sms, bbm, poke from facebook, phone call, whatsapp and the sense of smell #poor soul, NO NO NO let me rephrase that..poor souls who had to be around him that day# Didn't think that I would come out alive, I WILL NEVER forget that day.
Another one I have to share, there was this guy.. Sam oh MY WORD Sam was and in my eyes still is the KING of sickening, near death/causing heart attack body odor. The smell of his armpits alone would make you nauseous and sometimes give you headaches. Everyone, feared Sam #well he was a scary looking guy# but his odor was the main reason behind the fear. Over the years I have come to name any kind of odor 'Sam', in honor of this great king...ok ok ok jokes aside nw...
While the sense of smell is rather subjective, the following steps will help anyone eradicate what are commonly considered to be unwanted odors.
•Bathe/shower regularly.
This will get rid of hormonal odor on your entire body and is essential that you do it daily WITH SOAP/SHOWER GEL. If you feel this is hard to have time for #which I find quite shocking#, try consulting a doctor for other procedures #maybe brain surgery#. Make sure to wash the problem parts of your body carefully. These parts include the armpits and genitals.
•Wear deodorant and move around with it#ladies keep it in your bag#
Get one with an appealing fragrance. If you sweat a lot get an anti-perspirant. This is something you need to be older for. You won't start sweating there until you are in your teens, so you may not need this step at all if you are a young child. But the kids of today YOH rather use it kids, keep it safe.
•Wear cologne or perfume but don't cover yourself with it.
spray your neck, wrists and back of knees. if you are male spray it on your face but not straight after shaving or it will sting. Don't wet your clothing with it hle people, it's not washing liquid hle you are not washing your clothes now for that get Omo, Surf, Sunlight etc..
•Be confident.
Don't smell your armpits or feel self conscious, be free and open to the world...BUT Please please don't be free knowing very well you didn't follow the instructions above, Lord knows if you didn't THIXO anyone or anything around you will disappear, die or even explode.
•Brush your teeth.
Bad breath is a huge NO NO, and this is not a problem just in summer..all seasons baby!!! Brush your teeth twice a day- once in the morning after breakfast and once before you go to bed, take some mint gum to chew after snacks and meals
I'm pretty sure that all these instructions are simple to follow. As I said above if you find it difficult to bathe/shower at least once a day hai you need medical attention on the levels of brain surgery.
If you know that you sweat a lot don't wear clothing that will make you sweat, wear layers that you can take off when you need to. I don't mean jerseys people, a simple vest for guys underneath your T-shirt and girls maybe a light cardigan then you can take it off when you are sweating.
Please people note that some of us are very sensitive to bad smell and yes it is your right to be however you want to be, but that right should not make others uncomfortable.
Can we please enjoy the sun without worrying about abo'Sam PLEASE, love yourself and if you know that you have a problem seek help. A little play time with water can go a long way believe me, ZITHANDENI people!!!
#Thought of the week# Spring is in the air. Let's enjoy the smell of lovely roses and keep away horrible odors!!
For some of us, smelling good comes so easily that it seems outrageous for there to be instructions on it. We've all experienced standing next to someone who didn't get the memo and a waft of their unpleasant smell can make you incredibly uncomfortable #even nauseous#.
I feel so strongly about this topic because I have been abused by many, yes guys I'm a victim of such. I've had very bad experiences especially in taxis for those who have known me for years I'm sure you know about my taxi horrors, from guys who put their arms around me, to an armpit that was so bad that I could even taste it horror horror horror. Just last year the man that was sitting next to me had multiple odors coming from him. From shoes to armpits to his breath oh my goodness, and when I opened the window he asked me to close it because he had sinuses #JEHOVAH# I think in his case he didn't get the memo, the letter, sms, bbm, poke from facebook, phone call, whatsapp and the sense of smell #poor soul, NO NO NO let me rephrase that..poor souls who had to be around him that day# Didn't think that I would come out alive, I WILL NEVER forget that day.
Another one I have to share, there was this guy.. Sam oh MY WORD Sam was and in my eyes still is the KING of sickening, near death/causing heart attack body odor. The smell of his armpits alone would make you nauseous and sometimes give you headaches. Everyone, feared Sam #well he was a scary looking guy# but his odor was the main reason behind the fear. Over the years I have come to name any kind of odor 'Sam', in honor of this great king...ok ok ok jokes aside nw...
While the sense of smell is rather subjective, the following steps will help anyone eradicate what are commonly considered to be unwanted odors.
•Bathe/shower regularly.
This will get rid of hormonal odor on your entire body and is essential that you do it daily WITH SOAP/SHOWER GEL. If you feel this is hard to have time for #which I find quite shocking#, try consulting a doctor for other procedures #maybe brain surgery#. Make sure to wash the problem parts of your body carefully. These parts include the armpits and genitals.
•Wear deodorant and move around with it#ladies keep it in your bag#
Get one with an appealing fragrance. If you sweat a lot get an anti-perspirant. This is something you need to be older for. You won't start sweating there until you are in your teens, so you may not need this step at all if you are a young child. But the kids of today YOH rather use it kids, keep it safe.
•Wear cologne or perfume but don't cover yourself with it.
spray your neck, wrists and back of knees. if you are male spray it on your face but not straight after shaving or it will sting. Don't wet your clothing with it hle people, it's not washing liquid hle you are not washing your clothes now for that get Omo, Surf, Sunlight etc..
•Be confident.
Don't smell your armpits or feel self conscious, be free and open to the world...BUT Please please don't be free knowing very well you didn't follow the instructions above, Lord knows if you didn't THIXO anyone or anything around you will disappear, die or even explode.
•Brush your teeth.
Bad breath is a huge NO NO, and this is not a problem just in summer..all seasons baby!!! Brush your teeth twice a day- once in the morning after breakfast and once before you go to bed, take some mint gum to chew after snacks and meals
I'm pretty sure that all these instructions are simple to follow. As I said above if you find it difficult to bathe/shower at least once a day hai you need medical attention on the levels of brain surgery.
If you know that you sweat a lot don't wear clothing that will make you sweat, wear layers that you can take off when you need to. I don't mean jerseys people, a simple vest for guys underneath your T-shirt and girls maybe a light cardigan then you can take it off when you are sweating.
Please people note that some of us are very sensitive to bad smell and yes it is your right to be however you want to be, but that right should not make others uncomfortable.
Can we please enjoy the sun without worrying about abo'Sam PLEASE, love yourself and if you know that you have a problem seek help. A little play time with water can go a long way believe me, ZITHANDENI people!!!
#Thought of the week# Spring is in the air. Let's enjoy the smell of lovely roses and keep away horrible odors!!
Thursday, 1 March 2012
B.E.D- Bold Eager Dreamers, are you one of them?
When a dream is alive inside of you it’s like a burning desire however, that is only the beginning. The desire fuels the fire for the rest of the process because dreams take many painstaking hours of study, skill, prayer and perseverance.
We all have a special purpose here on earth that was preordained by God. He has placed inside each of us a desire to use our gifts and abilities to serve each other in some way. This is where our dreams originate. It is our destiny. We can’t allow rejections and disappointments to make us give up on our dreams.
We need to set our minds on them and keep the fires burning. Regardless of our age or ability, it’s never too late to make our dreams come true!!
Many people never take steps to fulfill their dreams, It either requires too much work or they are afraid of failure and lack faith. Many things can keep us from living out our dreams. Lack of self-esteem is a MAJOR one.
One thing I have noticed is that people live like hamsters in a cage #as crazy as that sounds#. They get on the play wheel and start running like crazy, all the meanwhile wondering why they're not getting anywhere. They stop spinning the wheels once in a while #weekends# only to get back on the same wheel the following Monday. The possibilities we face on a daily basis are endless but we allow ourselves to get caught in a repetitive cycle everyday. We talk to the same people, we do the same work, we eat the same foods, we watch the same shows, we tell the same jokes, we laugh at the same stories, etc. It's time to get off the wheel and dare to venture out the cage and see the multitude of experiences and opportunities life has to offer you.
Yes you'll have people who will put you down, for some it might be family others friends and even spouses..I say don't even listen to them for they don't control your destiny.
Reasons why you should ignore everyone and follow your dreams #I live by these rules# :
•The only “yes” you need to follow your dreams is yours.
•You’ll regret it later in life and if you’re delaying it you’ll question yourself why didn’t you do it sooner.
•Not following your dreams makes you feel incomplete. Eventually this will stop you from dreaming altogether.
•It will attract some attention, even from the haters. You will feel strong as you prove the haters wrong. “The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” #can't remember who said that#
•People who follow their dreams are doers. Doers have more power to create, influence and change their environment… and eventually the world.
•Life feels more memorable, hence you feel/become more memorable.
•Following your dreams might take unexpected turns but those are the interesting and memorable challenges of living the dream.
•Those challenges will help you grow as they make you step out of your comfort zone.
•Dreams make you take chances, but chances can bring more opportunities.
Afraid about it? GOOD, being afraid makes you feel more alive so smash through that brick wall of fear. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
•Your dreams and your actions define you. Don’t let others define you with what they tell you to do and not to.
•You will inspire others to follow their own dreams even if they know nothing about you.
•Following your dreams makes you interesting.
•Who doesn’t love to challenge the status quo?
•There are no rules in life so why limit yourself to what everybody else is doing?
•Accomplishing your dreams will spark even bigger dreams.
•You feel you have something more to live for.
•Even if your dreams fail you’ll feel proud you gave it your all to accomplish them. •Dreamers tend to fail but they tend to learn more in life. You learn from failure. So dust yourself and try it again.
•It’s your life, live it under your terms!!
Bold.Eager.Dreamers. Bold - the chance and risk takers. Eager - the desire to learn more while chasing your dreams. Dreamers. All put into an acronym that spells the thing where dreams begin, BED.
It doesn’t matter where you are who you are or what others think of you. Your inner self is much greater and given the chance you can make a difference to yours and other people’s lives. Albert Einstein said “use what you have where you have it”. Success is within reach, all you have to do is stretch and grab hold of it and if you follow your dream, nature will always be on your side. You can change your tomorrow, if you follow your dream TODAY.
#Thought of the week# The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up!!
We all have a special purpose here on earth that was preordained by God. He has placed inside each of us a desire to use our gifts and abilities to serve each other in some way. This is where our dreams originate. It is our destiny. We can’t allow rejections and disappointments to make us give up on our dreams.
We need to set our minds on them and keep the fires burning. Regardless of our age or ability, it’s never too late to make our dreams come true!!
Many people never take steps to fulfill their dreams, It either requires too much work or they are afraid of failure and lack faith. Many things can keep us from living out our dreams. Lack of self-esteem is a MAJOR one.
One thing I have noticed is that people live like hamsters in a cage #as crazy as that sounds#. They get on the play wheel and start running like crazy, all the meanwhile wondering why they're not getting anywhere. They stop spinning the wheels once in a while #weekends# only to get back on the same wheel the following Monday. The possibilities we face on a daily basis are endless but we allow ourselves to get caught in a repetitive cycle everyday. We talk to the same people, we do the same work, we eat the same foods, we watch the same shows, we tell the same jokes, we laugh at the same stories, etc. It's time to get off the wheel and dare to venture out the cage and see the multitude of experiences and opportunities life has to offer you.
Yes you'll have people who will put you down, for some it might be family others friends and even spouses..I say don't even listen to them for they don't control your destiny.
Reasons why you should ignore everyone and follow your dreams #I live by these rules# :
•The only “yes” you need to follow your dreams is yours.
•You’ll regret it later in life and if you’re delaying it you’ll question yourself why didn’t you do it sooner.
•Not following your dreams makes you feel incomplete. Eventually this will stop you from dreaming altogether.
•It will attract some attention, even from the haters. You will feel strong as you prove the haters wrong. “The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” #can't remember who said that#
•People who follow their dreams are doers. Doers have more power to create, influence and change their environment… and eventually the world.
•Life feels more memorable, hence you feel/become more memorable.
•Following your dreams might take unexpected turns but those are the interesting and memorable challenges of living the dream.
•Those challenges will help you grow as they make you step out of your comfort zone.
•Dreams make you take chances, but chances can bring more opportunities.
Afraid about it? GOOD, being afraid makes you feel more alive so smash through that brick wall of fear. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. “The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.”
•Your dreams and your actions define you. Don’t let others define you with what they tell you to do and not to.
•You will inspire others to follow their own dreams even if they know nothing about you.
•Following your dreams makes you interesting.
•Who doesn’t love to challenge the status quo?
•There are no rules in life so why limit yourself to what everybody else is doing?
•Accomplishing your dreams will spark even bigger dreams.
•You feel you have something more to live for.
•Even if your dreams fail you’ll feel proud you gave it your all to accomplish them. •Dreamers tend to fail but they tend to learn more in life. You learn from failure. So dust yourself and try it again.
•It’s your life, live it under your terms!!
Bold.Eager.Dreamers. Bold - the chance and risk takers. Eager - the desire to learn more while chasing your dreams. Dreamers. All put into an acronym that spells the thing where dreams begin, BED.
It doesn’t matter where you are who you are or what others think of you. Your inner self is much greater and given the chance you can make a difference to yours and other people’s lives. Albert Einstein said “use what you have where you have it”. Success is within reach, all you have to do is stretch and grab hold of it and if you follow your dream, nature will always be on your side. You can change your tomorrow, if you follow your dream TODAY.
#Thought of the week# The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up!!
Tuesday, 7 February 2012
A friend in need is a friend indeed, but a friend with greed...NEVER!!!
A true friend is very difficult to find in this society today. Everybody can say that a person is their friend but not identifying if that person is a true or a fake friend. I want to talk about fake friends..
Why do people try to bring you down for no reason? Because DOWN is where they live, they're either too lazy or too stupid to climb the ladder of success to make something of themselves and so they take it out on everyone else. Like my sis Sindiswa always says...
"Vu friends come and go unlike assholes who unfortunately will always be there" lol lol kwaaaaaaaa that always kills me #funny but true#
Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between a fake friend and real friend. Here's a few guidelines based on my personal experience
•Fake friends promise you the world when you first meet them and totally charm you into thinking you're the center of their world. They do everything for you to make you feel secure #which is a lie because they're just setting you up to fall#.
•Fake friends are very shallow and get their happiness externally. They have very low self-esteem and like to surround themselves with shallow friendships that require low maintenance #and no reciprocation#, which makes them similar to an emotional leech.#and that is not good for you#
•Fake friends create a very one-sided friendship with a person where they get their needs met, but never meet yours. If you question why the fake friend suddenly cut you off, they deflect the blame back to you so that they don't have to feel guilty for knowingly using you.
•Fake friends will dominate the friendship's power balance, it's their way or the high way. It's like this people... the fake friend in her/his own mind is a leader and she/he has hand picked you to be her/his follower.
•Fake friends are huge gossipers. If you confide in them, know that they will spread lies about you like there's no tomorrow for their own gain of course #social status as a leader, not a follower# HOW STUPID!! And do they love talking about other people, I guess for them its better to do so because now the focus won't be on their pathetic lives #I'm just saying#
•Fake friends only want your help. They won't follow through on their promise to help you ever. They'll always have a convenient excuse as to why they're too busy to get together with you, or they'll tell you that you're being too needy when you confront them as to why they're blowing you off all of a sudden instead of just telling you the truth #which is that he/she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore because he/she has a million other follower friend types to take from#
•Fake friends will put you down to make themselves look better. If you share a success with a fake friend she will blow it off and talk about herself. These people are just parasites maan!!!
No matter how old we get, false friends can put deep scars on our hearts and big dents in our confidence. I have known this truth for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While psychologists report, it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged so many times! It doesn't really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful reaction, lousy friends are just plain lousy people with zero personalities. And at the end of the day, these types of people don't deserve our friendship and they surely don't deserve the power to harm us.
It's normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship.
#Thought of the week# Be honest with yourself. If you feel you have more bad times than good times with another person, reassess the pros and cons of keeping the friendship alive
Why do people try to bring you down for no reason? Because DOWN is where they live, they're either too lazy or too stupid to climb the ladder of success to make something of themselves and so they take it out on everyone else. Like my sis Sindiswa always says...
"Vu friends come and go unlike assholes who unfortunately will always be there" lol lol kwaaaaaaaa that always kills me #funny but true#
Sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between a fake friend and real friend. Here's a few guidelines based on my personal experience
•Fake friends promise you the world when you first meet them and totally charm you into thinking you're the center of their world. They do everything for you to make you feel secure #which is a lie because they're just setting you up to fall#.
•Fake friends are very shallow and get their happiness externally. They have very low self-esteem and like to surround themselves with shallow friendships that require low maintenance #and no reciprocation#, which makes them similar to an emotional leech.#and that is not good for you#
•Fake friends create a very one-sided friendship with a person where they get their needs met, but never meet yours. If you question why the fake friend suddenly cut you off, they deflect the blame back to you so that they don't have to feel guilty for knowingly using you.
•Fake friends will dominate the friendship's power balance, it's their way or the high way. It's like this people... the fake friend in her/his own mind is a leader and she/he has hand picked you to be her/his follower.
•Fake friends are huge gossipers. If you confide in them, know that they will spread lies about you like there's no tomorrow for their own gain of course #social status as a leader, not a follower# HOW STUPID!! And do they love talking about other people, I guess for them its better to do so because now the focus won't be on their pathetic lives #I'm just saying#
•Fake friends only want your help. They won't follow through on their promise to help you ever. They'll always have a convenient excuse as to why they're too busy to get together with you, or they'll tell you that you're being too needy when you confront them as to why they're blowing you off all of a sudden instead of just telling you the truth #which is that he/she doesn't want to hang out with you anymore because he/she has a million other follower friend types to take from#
•Fake friends will put you down to make themselves look better. If you share a success with a fake friend she will blow it off and talk about herself. These people are just parasites maan!!!
No matter how old we get, false friends can put deep scars on our hearts and big dents in our confidence. I have known this truth for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While psychologists report, it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged so many times! It doesn't really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful reaction, lousy friends are just plain lousy people with zero personalities. And at the end of the day, these types of people don't deserve our friendship and they surely don't deserve the power to harm us.
It's normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship.
#Thought of the week# Be honest with yourself. If you feel you have more bad times than good times with another person, reassess the pros and cons of keeping the friendship alive
Monday, 30 January 2012
TWO CAN PLAY THAT GAME, BUT ONE MUST FALL
Friends with Benefits#FWB# is a term used for sex only relationships with a friend but do friends with benefits relationships work?
It’s easy to think or say, it’s just a bit of fun and nobody will get hurt, but the reality of these arrangements is more often than not a broken friendship and emotional pain for one participant. The worst reason to get into a friends with benefits relationship is fooling yourself that it can start out this way and will develop into a full blown romantic loving relationship … the odds are it won’t and you will just get hurt and used.
If you are tempted to get into a friends with benefits relationship perhaps in order to keep loneliness at bay for a short time or until Mr/Miss Right comes along then you may wish to consider these points before agreeing to be a friend with benefits.
Men and Woman ARE Different
Usually in friends with benefits relationships men are after the benefits and women are after the friendship, sorry men but that’s the honest truth#askies#. Firstly we have to understand the difference between love and lust and decide what we are really looking for. A night in with a friend, a pizza, weepy video and sofa hug will generally make a woman feel satisfied emotionally and it’s a small price for a man to pay to get the “benefits”
Would you agree to do this with just any friend?
I would think the answer is NO, so before agreeing to such an arrangement take a long hard look at a good friend of the opposite sex#or same sex if that is your thing# that you would definitely NOT agree to be a friend with benefits with. Why are they any different? You just need some sexual satisfaction with someone you trust but without emotional involvement right? In order to agree to sleep with someone there has to be some attraction involved and attraction is an emotion .. so how do you now stick to the rules of friends with benefits and not get emotionally involved? Think about it, its impossible guys
What Are the Benefits For You?
Given the above #you may not even be aware of any feelings you have for your friend but to even consider this arrangement you should accept those feelings must be there# what will happen to the friendship when those feelings begin to emerge for one of you? Can your friendship survive the hurt feelings of rejection or the jealousy when you see your friend with someone else. Of course you can deny, deny, deny your emotions but when you are back in your bed alone at night crying what benefit will you have gained from this arrangement? Before considering this arrangement ask yourself this..
•is it for you?
1. Ask yourself if no-strings sex is really what you want. Or is it just that nothing more seems on offer? If so, you deserve better – hold out for it.
2. Even if you fear commitment, do you want to lose a friend? Sex complicates a friendship and few FWBs stay friends once the sex stops.
3. If you want sex but no commitment and are nearer 30 than 20, you may end up lonely later. Think about counseling, to work out why you fear love.
Not Interesting Enough to Date
If someone you just met said “you don’t interest me enough to date but do you fancy a roll in the hay just to relieve my tensions” how would you react? #Well I know that I would beat the daylight out of him yerrrrrrr# In effect the friend that suggests a “friends with benefits” relationship is saying exactly the same thing, all they are looking for is sexual gratification without any strings or emotional attachment. Are you really willing to sell yourself so short?
You Deserve Better
I know it is really easy to say “you deserve better so wait for the right guy or girl” but that is no comfort when you are feeling lonely and looking for love. Loneliness is all consuming at times and causes us to hurt emotionally but we also know it comes and goes. Look, you can be miserable or motivate yourself it really is a choice we make and I personally don't think that you have to resort to friends with benefits all in the name of loneliness hai maan YOU DESERVE BETTER!!
This is what I think, sex with no commitment, no feelings no one to answer to might look good on paper but humans don’t operate like that. Inevitably, an attachment occurs, a bond occurs, and feelings develop. Even though people swear off it, somebody develops some kind of feelings. The only scenario where I see it work is when you're very young and just kind of messing around, or in two sex addicts acting out together. But, just like every other addiction, it eventually goes down in flames. So it only works for a while.
The other thing is “friends with benefits” is the flip side of repeated failed relationships. It’s the exact same phenomenon. So don’t think that you’re outsmarting relationships by doing that, you’re going down the same path, just the other side of the coin.
#Thought of the week# Know your worth!!
It’s easy to think or say, it’s just a bit of fun and nobody will get hurt, but the reality of these arrangements is more often than not a broken friendship and emotional pain for one participant. The worst reason to get into a friends with benefits relationship is fooling yourself that it can start out this way and will develop into a full blown romantic loving relationship … the odds are it won’t and you will just get hurt and used.
If you are tempted to get into a friends with benefits relationship perhaps in order to keep loneliness at bay for a short time or until Mr/Miss Right comes along then you may wish to consider these points before agreeing to be a friend with benefits.
Men and Woman ARE Different
Usually in friends with benefits relationships men are after the benefits and women are after the friendship, sorry men but that’s the honest truth#askies#. Firstly we have to understand the difference between love and lust and decide what we are really looking for. A night in with a friend, a pizza, weepy video and sofa hug will generally make a woman feel satisfied emotionally and it’s a small price for a man to pay to get the “benefits”
Would you agree to do this with just any friend?
I would think the answer is NO, so before agreeing to such an arrangement take a long hard look at a good friend of the opposite sex#or same sex if that is your thing# that you would definitely NOT agree to be a friend with benefits with. Why are they any different? You just need some sexual satisfaction with someone you trust but without emotional involvement right? In order to agree to sleep with someone there has to be some attraction involved and attraction is an emotion .. so how do you now stick to the rules of friends with benefits and not get emotionally involved? Think about it, its impossible guys
What Are the Benefits For You?
Given the above #you may not even be aware of any feelings you have for your friend but to even consider this arrangement you should accept those feelings must be there# what will happen to the friendship when those feelings begin to emerge for one of you? Can your friendship survive the hurt feelings of rejection or the jealousy when you see your friend with someone else. Of course you can deny, deny, deny your emotions but when you are back in your bed alone at night crying what benefit will you have gained from this arrangement? Before considering this arrangement ask yourself this..
•is it for you?
1. Ask yourself if no-strings sex is really what you want. Or is it just that nothing more seems on offer? If so, you deserve better – hold out for it.
2. Even if you fear commitment, do you want to lose a friend? Sex complicates a friendship and few FWBs stay friends once the sex stops.
3. If you want sex but no commitment and are nearer 30 than 20, you may end up lonely later. Think about counseling, to work out why you fear love.
Not Interesting Enough to Date
If someone you just met said “you don’t interest me enough to date but do you fancy a roll in the hay just to relieve my tensions” how would you react? #Well I know that I would beat the daylight out of him yerrrrrrr# In effect the friend that suggests a “friends with benefits” relationship is saying exactly the same thing, all they are looking for is sexual gratification without any strings or emotional attachment. Are you really willing to sell yourself so short?
You Deserve Better
I know it is really easy to say “you deserve better so wait for the right guy or girl” but that is no comfort when you are feeling lonely and looking for love. Loneliness is all consuming at times and causes us to hurt emotionally but we also know it comes and goes. Look, you can be miserable or motivate yourself it really is a choice we make and I personally don't think that you have to resort to friends with benefits all in the name of loneliness hai maan YOU DESERVE BETTER!!
This is what I think, sex with no commitment, no feelings no one to answer to might look good on paper but humans don’t operate like that. Inevitably, an attachment occurs, a bond occurs, and feelings develop. Even though people swear off it, somebody develops some kind of feelings. The only scenario where I see it work is when you're very young and just kind of messing around, or in two sex addicts acting out together. But, just like every other addiction, it eventually goes down in flames. So it only works for a while.
The other thing is “friends with benefits” is the flip side of repeated failed relationships. It’s the exact same phenomenon. So don’t think that you’re outsmarting relationships by doing that, you’re going down the same path, just the other side of the coin.
#Thought of the week# Know your worth!!
Friday, 20 January 2012
NETWORKING DILEMMA
Here is something we can all identify with. Facebook and its affect on the relationship. I can guarantee that 80 percent of all of Facebook’s 500 million users have had a Facebook related spat during a relationship. So if you’re having trouble with your lover on Facebook, you’re not alone.
While the network does offer opportunities for meaningful social interactions and self-esteem boosts, it also opens options for spying, stalking and other insecurity and jealousy driven actions between lovers.
From new relationship announcements to breakups to digital(photos) PDA#I'm so not a fan of#, can have an impact on how others#including your partner# see you.
As a user of Facebook, I have to admit to being surprised at how much the site affects people’s relationships. If someone changes their status from single to in a relationship and their significant other doesn’t reciprocate yhuuuuuuuu JEHOVAH people get upset. If you just became an official couple, who is the one that will change their status first? Or let’s say you just broke up but then you got back together. Then who should change their status first? Yhuuuuuu hai 'Its complicated' as one of the relationship status options would say, unnecessary stress if you ask me.
I read an article about how US lawyers say that Facebook is a top cause of relationship trouble which can even lead to divorce like seriously people DIVORCE. The article goes on about how one spouse would connect with an old school friend then they would secretly communicate causing the other partner to be jealous pushing his/her spouse towards this old friend which would eventually lead to an affair, it further goes on to say that facebook does not only lead to divorce but other legal battles too like child custody, parents would deny using illicit drugs but boast of smoking marijuana on their Facebook pages. #HECTIC#
Moving along to other Facebook problems..
• We have the “hot girl” Facebook friends list.
He’s got a lot of hot girls as friends and you’re a tiny bit jealous. What do you do?
Well I say nothing, especially if they were friends with him before you both started dating. The best thing you can do is not to look at his friends list EVER It’ll save you time and energy researching all of those girls. If they leave more than one flirtatious comment (and I mean something that’s borderline offensive) then you should talk about it.
•He is friends with an ex
What should you do?
Eish not a good situation ne but it can be okay. I’m friends with my exes on Facebook and there is nothing to it hey so really that shouldn't even be of concern to you don't even waste your energy thinking about it.
•He never writes on your Facebook wall or comments on the posts you send him, but you see him on Facebook all of the time communicating with his other Facebook buddies.
Honestly I think that it is totally immature to let something so simple evolve into a spat. WENA WHY ULANDELELA?!? #Lol just joking# Mara ke, when it does come up I suggest you talk to your partner in a polite way and DON'T and I repeat DON'T start accusing him/her of anything just express how the situation affects you and hopefully you will come up with a solution
Listen, I personally don’t think a social site is worth your relationship and if it fails because of it your relationship wasn’t strong in the first place. I know plenty of people who’ve had relationships end because of Facebook. Sometimes it’s unfortunate because you get those conniving women who have nothing else better to do but break up your relationship.#believe me I know because this has happened to me#
So my suggestion to you is to not be friends with your boo if you are the type of person to feed in to negativity. Haters are everywhere and a lot of them reside on FB. The purpose of a social network is to be sociable to have the chance to communicate with people you don’t see on the regular. Hopefully you see your boo on the regular and if you do answer this...
What’s the point of being his friend on a social network?
He's already your friend in real life and you know more about his whereabouts than his friends on FB or whatever site. You have his number and address for God’s sake you don’t need to be in every single part of his life. If you have trust issues please think about it before you become friends with your lover but then again why are you with your partner if you don't trust them?!? One thing to think about...
#Thought of the week# Learn to trust your partner so that you can have a healthy and stress free relationship
While the network does offer opportunities for meaningful social interactions and self-esteem boosts, it also opens options for spying, stalking and other insecurity and jealousy driven actions between lovers.
From new relationship announcements to breakups to digital(photos) PDA#I'm so not a fan of#, can have an impact on how others#including your partner# see you.
As a user of Facebook, I have to admit to being surprised at how much the site affects people’s relationships. If someone changes their status from single to in a relationship and their significant other doesn’t reciprocate yhuuuuuuuu JEHOVAH people get upset. If you just became an official couple, who is the one that will change their status first? Or let’s say you just broke up but then you got back together. Then who should change their status first? Yhuuuuuu hai 'Its complicated' as one of the relationship status options would say, unnecessary stress if you ask me.
I read an article about how US lawyers say that Facebook is a top cause of relationship trouble which can even lead to divorce like seriously people DIVORCE. The article goes on about how one spouse would connect with an old school friend then they would secretly communicate causing the other partner to be jealous pushing his/her spouse towards this old friend which would eventually lead to an affair, it further goes on to say that facebook does not only lead to divorce but other legal battles too like child custody, parents would deny using illicit drugs but boast of smoking marijuana on their Facebook pages. #HECTIC#
Moving along to other Facebook problems..
• We have the “hot girl” Facebook friends list.
He’s got a lot of hot girls as friends and you’re a tiny bit jealous. What do you do?
Well I say nothing, especially if they were friends with him before you both started dating. The best thing you can do is not to look at his friends list EVER It’ll save you time and energy researching all of those girls. If they leave more than one flirtatious comment (and I mean something that’s borderline offensive) then you should talk about it.
•He is friends with an ex
What should you do?
Eish not a good situation ne but it can be okay. I’m friends with my exes on Facebook and there is nothing to it hey so really that shouldn't even be of concern to you don't even waste your energy thinking about it.
•He never writes on your Facebook wall or comments on the posts you send him, but you see him on Facebook all of the time communicating with his other Facebook buddies.
Honestly I think that it is totally immature to let something so simple evolve into a spat. WENA WHY ULANDELELA?!? #Lol just joking# Mara ke, when it does come up I suggest you talk to your partner in a polite way and DON'T and I repeat DON'T start accusing him/her of anything just express how the situation affects you and hopefully you will come up with a solution
Listen, I personally don’t think a social site is worth your relationship and if it fails because of it your relationship wasn’t strong in the first place. I know plenty of people who’ve had relationships end because of Facebook. Sometimes it’s unfortunate because you get those conniving women who have nothing else better to do but break up your relationship.#believe me I know because this has happened to me#
So my suggestion to you is to not be friends with your boo if you are the type of person to feed in to negativity. Haters are everywhere and a lot of them reside on FB. The purpose of a social network is to be sociable to have the chance to communicate with people you don’t see on the regular. Hopefully you see your boo on the regular and if you do answer this...
What’s the point of being his friend on a social network?
He's already your friend in real life and you know more about his whereabouts than his friends on FB or whatever site. You have his number and address for God’s sake you don’t need to be in every single part of his life. If you have trust issues please think about it before you become friends with your lover but then again why are you with your partner if you don't trust them?!? One thing to think about...
#Thought of the week# Learn to trust your partner so that you can have a healthy and stress free relationship
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